Forgiving others. We hear this being said frequently. Self development and looking after one’s self is sometimes a struggle so do we actually accept ourselves, particularly in this fast-paced environment? Do we look into slowing down, de-stressing and being at peace within?
The ability to forgive and accept yourself makes accepting others easier. Self acceptance and forgiveness is the key to maintaining peace as otherwise there is often a continuous struggle with thoughts such as, “Why did I do that?”, “Why was I treated that way?”, “Part of me says this but another says that” etc. Whilst I was watching a BBC television documentary I thought that this is what the scientist meant when he was explaining the many thousands of selves within us. In my experience, adding an element of acceptance with balance and working with troublesome thoughts/inner dialogues has proven beneficial, whether in counselling settings or otherwise. Taking charge while also being easy with ourselves is similar to comforting others when we see them go through difficult times. As a Muslim, I am conscious of all the resources provided to me in this world by Allah (God), known and unknown, and it is my responsibility to look after them for my own good. However, I am all too aware of the ease with which I can fall in the trap of ignoring the need to do this. In relation to the unknown resources, I recently came across a piece of work by Susan Sussman which noted the following: “Gershon and Wade (1994) and Gershon (1998), working on the presence of serotonin in the gut, described the discovery of a virtual ‘second brain’ in the gastro-intestinal tract, having found all the major neuro-transmitters hidden deep in the walls of the small intestine.” Despite the fact that we all regularly talk about our “gut feeling”, it was delightful to read the discovery of this second brain. It really does go to show that the more I know, the more I come to know that I know nothing! The need for a trust-worthy environment in which you can talk about issues that may be affecting you is great and hence why services like TLS exist. The impact of empathic and sympathetic words can be beneficial – even the mere presence of “another” is beneficial, which can be seen as “healing energy”, as described by Carl Rogers. Again, it comes back to being at ease and at peace, particularly when providing the kind of presence mentioned above, however to get to this point we usually first need to work on our own selves, including accepting and forgiving. This requires self-observation, monitoring of our thoughts and feelings, our actions, behaviours and habits, making amendments where needed. Our senses give us messages that are taken within and manifested, these are stored in our memory and we attribute our meaning to them. Keeping calm is key in changing and demanding times. With rethinking and re-planning we can reconnect with our well-being and taking responsibility of our own input in the situation is part of self-acceptance. When dealing with challenges, stepping back and thinking through things often enables us to use our own inner strength with confidence and flexibility and thus we do not repeat mistakes and failures which do not help nor change what has happened. To encourage growth and positive change there is a need to forgive yourself, which will aid in learning from your mistakes and failures. Change is usually painful but we must remember that, with time, feelings will pass. Make changes consciously, asking yourself, “what is the lesson for me in this situation?” and move on. At times of confusion I try to tell myself, “It’s all ok. All is fine.” It helps where or not everything is fine. My grandfather used to say to look for the best in people, which made sense later in my life. This keeps me at ease and thus peaceful. There is a quote from Jalal ad-Din Rumi which reflects this understanding: “If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?”
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